Nothing much to rant about this week and don’t have too much time, but I know everyone is eagerly anticipating the weekly power rankings. Sorry for not including pictures this week. Hoping to have more time next week. By the way, I may be out in Boston on Friday night if anyone wants to meet me out to beat me up (seriously, try to meet us out- I’d love to catch up with you guys). Anyways, let’s get to the weekly power rankings:
1) Nasty- A lot of people don’t believe in the CBS power rankings, but Nasty is perfect in these rankings. He has the most points, the best record, and the best “Breakdown” (simply meaning he would have beat most of us on most weeks). He and Bush had a tough match-up this past weekend, with Bush coming out on top by six. I believe I predicted this may happen to Nasty and believe it or not, I’m picking the number one team to lose for a second straight week, this week against the Crusaders. Even with the loss last week and the predicted loss this week, I still have him number one, but the others in the top four are gaining.
2) Coatu- At the time of this writing, Kinger has K. Smith in his starting line-up instead of Michael Pittman. Maybe he’s a New England fan and is blind to their defensive troubles, but I have to question this move. Even so, he’s jumped a few spots and people are going to want to know why. I usually like to do these power rankings based on where people are, not where they are going. However, with Coatu, Bush, and Pump, I had to look ahead to see where we’d be after this week. Coatu, playing an invisible Chester Catamounts (abbreviated CMC somehow), will easily get the win and thus deserves this number two slot.
3) Bush- I’m really just trying to make fun of the Catamounts, but Bush is playing the other Green Mountain team, the Gamers, and they are WAY better than the Catamounts… and he’s the tenth ranked team in these rankings. So, even being a 50 point dog this week, he has a better chance beating Bush than the Catamounts beating Coatu. So, taking all of this into consideration is the only reason why Bush is number three and not number two. They should both win easily and it may be whoever scores the highest point total will take over the two, or possibly even the number one slot next week…. if all of my predictions come true.
4) Pump- I promise you I’m not taking Mark down a couple of slots to be funny. Honestly, take a look at this line-up and tell me if you’d even have them as high as number four: P. Manning, K. Faulk, F. Jackson, B. Marshall, G. Jennings, C. Cooley, K. Walter, J. Nedney, and Baltimore D. Kevin Faulk and Freddie Jackson aren’t two guys I’m too scared of. I think my tandem of Deangelo Williams and Mewelde Moore will outscore these two ass clowns this weekend. Again, I hate to look into the future, but Mark may struggle this week.
5) Legged- Does anyone else ever feel that the Amantis always end up on the right side of luck? Do you know who the One Legged Lover plays this week? Yup, the aforementioned Pump with all of his RBs on byes or hurt. This is the type of thing that really pisses me off and why I’ll never have Legged higher than five. The kid fires me up with his lucky streaks.
6) Crusaders- Big Country has a lot riding on this week against Nasty. A win here definitely vaults him past Cousin and Pump and possibly into the top three mix. Now, I don’t know if that means he throws this weekend or not, but he seems to be above curses and superstitions. I fully expect a beat down of Nasty this weekend, which would give this power ranking business the big shake up it’s been looking for.
7) Jeff’s Curse- Well played. It was only a matter of time as the team formerly known as Spunky (or Little Spunkster as I liked to refer to them), changed their name. With an easy win over the pathetic Catamounts last week and looking forward to an easy match-up against an owner on the verge of being voted out of this league (does Kevin even know how to log on to CBS?), things are looking up for my team… or I mean the team that I love… or I mean the team I think will win it all… or… ok, I better stop. I will buy a trophy for the league if this team wins as it may be my only way to ever have my name on a champion trophy. What an honor to name the team after me. Thank you so much, Jon… I promise not to let you down. And don’t worry about this week, it’s an easy win for you.
8) dc- Dan has to be laughing out loud with these power rankings. As in baseball, I continued to tell him that his team sucked, and he must’ve been laughing all those times, too. Now in football, with me feeling I have to do these power rankings weekly now, I feel as if I need to tell Dan weekly that his team sucks. Has anyone noticed, but he continues to slowly move up every week. I’m hoping that if I just slowly move him up the rankings that by the time he’s number one, it’ll seem as if I had him there all year. Let’s see how that plays out.
9) Quevin- The next four teams won’t get much written about them. We all suck. I figured I’d make Quevin the captain of our all-suck team. He scored the most points of all of us last week with 76…. this with two of his players not even playing. Quevin is solely to blame for his team’s disastrous state. They may be actually ok with a baboon managing their club.
10) Gamers- The great part of this story is that the Gamers own Eli Manning in both leagues he’s in. All he needed was a decent day from Manning and he wins both leagues. Manning decides to get picked three times and doesn’t even throw for 200 yards. This kind of stuff only happens when you suck. When 65 points would get you a win and you can’t get there, you know your team is on their knees.
11) Smokey- I’ve been on my knees sucking so long that my lips are numb.
12) Chester- And then there’s my friend, Christian. Does anyone’s ineptitude ever cause happiness to you? Not sure exactly why, but it puts a smile on my face when Craigger’s team continually sets new lows. I looked at his team’s points and you could add three of his weeks together and come up with 133 points. Do you know that Coatu had 135 in one week? Can we agree that Chester has to change his name to “Bye” if he doesn’t post at least 60 points this week? At some point there has to be penalties for sucking as bad as this.
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