baseball predictions '10

There are three things that lead to a Verndale Fantasy Championship: The Draft, The Person, and Luck. With this in mind, let’s take a look at who ultimately has a shot (alphabetically based on team name):

The goddamn stupid smiley face team (no team name, or lack thereof, has bothered me as much as this one). Maybe Jon is doing this just so I’ll be so upset with him that I’ll, by default, rank him in the coveted 13th slot.

 Up- Braun, Howard. Braun seems to be Mr. Consistency and I’d assume he’d be a top five pick again next year. Anyone see Ryan Howard lately? Dude lost about 30 bills and looks like a rock. Does that help? It can’t hurt. Maybe he should share his dietary tips with the true vegetarian, Prince Fielder. On a side note, that guy must eat gardens worth of veggies every day. Carpenter, could be spectacular or could be a disaster. This team will succeed or fail based on his pitching staff.
 Future- Posey, Laporta, Reimold, Morgan, Morrow: I like that Jon has a lot of young boys on his team, but it’s kind of worrisome too, isn’t it? It’s my prediction that only two of these players will be on his roster by year’s end. I’ll go even further by predicting that Posey and Reimold are the only two.
 Please Retire… NOW- Vladdy and Hideki. There’s a part of me that thinks Hideki still has something in his tank, but I have a feeling Vlad is done.
 Bold Prediction- Michael Young gets named as the newest player to have taken steroids or suffers some sort of weird accident that will sideline him for the rest of the year. Not sure why, but I have a feeling that bad things will happen to him.

Big and Tall

 Up- Miggy Cabrera, I guess, needs to be listed in the “up” category. Two things crack me up about this guy. One- his belly. Two- Everyone quickly guess at how old he is. I could believe it when I saw it, but the dude is only 27. I really thought he was in his early 30s. I don’t think I could ever route for an out-of-shape wife beater. My wife, who knows nothing, wanted to see who Craigger had on his team. She only knows Red Sox players and noticed he had Buchholz on his team and then she noticed Derek Lowe. At this point she said, whoa, his team is going to be really good. Take that for what it’s worth, but I wouldn’t put either of those guys in the “up” category.
 Future- Wieters, Andrus, Jones, McCutchen, Hanson. Unlike Jon boy’s team, I like these young boys. Unlike Jon’s team, I think all of these players will be on Craigger’s team by year’s end. Andrus is the only question mark, but could provide a little bit of speed to an otherwise slow bunch of characters.
 Please Retire… NOW- Lowe. Craig’s team is pretty young. With that said, it would shock me if Lowe was a major contributor this year. His age also shocked me- 37 in June.
 Bold Prediction- Grady Sizemore continues his fantasy downfall and is no more than a mid to late round pick next year.

Big Nasty

 Up- Good news for Nasty, but there’s not too much upside on his team (he always wants me to pick him to finish last). Utley should and will be a monster again this year. I hate the Phillies, but I love Utley. How is this possible? I haven’t done this, but will do so in a minute, but look at Nasty’s team and tell me who he selected with his second draft choice. Hard, right? How about his third pick? I’m telling you, I can’t tell who he kept and who he selected with his second and third picks. He could’ve traded these two picks for someone really good.
 Future- Escobar, Choo, and I’ll throw 27-year-old Reynolds in here too. Just a guess (unlike all of this other useless babble), but my prediction is that Choo is going to explode and that Escobar will be off of this team by the all-star break. Besides his owner, Big Nasty, Mr. Choo has the best name in sports. Love it.
 Please Retire… NOW- Most of his team: Posada, Damon, Wells, Aardsma, Bell, Pettite, Rivera, Ibanez. Now that I’m looking at this list, I’m a little worried that someone on this team may actually die during the season. Damn, they’re old.
 Bold Prediction- Nasty’s team finishes in first. Hahaha… I crack me up.

Big Pappa Pump

 Up- Pujols, Upton Sr., Verlander. Of course, Pujols always worries you about breaking down, but he hasn’t yet and when he doesn’t break down, there’s no one even close to him. With so much attention on younger brother, Justin, BJ is going to have a monster year. Verlander will be dominant.
 Future- Stewart, Zobrist, Morales, Blanks, Snider, Price, Strasburg, Davis. As much talent as Amanti’s team has, this team is absolutely stacked with prospects. My thinking are that the hitting prospects will hit all year, but the pitching prospects of Price, Strasburg, and Davis will come into their own around August. This team is going to be very hard to beat in the playoffs… a little foreshadowing.
 Please Retire… NOW- Not a single person.
 Bold Prediction- Mark will be humble when he wins it all.

Bush Leaguers

 Up- Longoria, Holliday, Haren. Longoria seems primed for a monster year, Holliday seems primed to take his first step downward, and Haren will have another great first half and then forgot how to pitch in the second. So, yes, this is the “up” section and I believe all of these guys could be outstanding. They just scare me more than others in the up sections.
 Future- Sandoval, Davis, Heyward, Wood, Jackson. I have to admit, I had no idea who this Austin Jackson kid was. Looks like he’s making quite the first impression. As with most speed guys, it’ll be interesting to see if his average can hang in there to keep him in the leadoff spot. Sandoval could either follow in the footsteps of fellow chubster, Miggy Cabrera, or have a terrible sophomore slump. My guess is more toward the Miggy side. Who’s this Heyward kid. Is he supposed to be good?
 Please Retire… NOW- Abreu. Not too many old folks on this team. Could be good for consistency long term.
 Bold Prediction- Josh Johnson turns out to be the best pitcher on Kyle’s staff this year.

Buzzsaw

 Up- Mauer, Halladay. With such a short list in the “up” category, you obviously can see why I’m not too, too excited for the near future of Buzzsaw.
 Future- Beckham, Upton, Butler, Anderson, Nolasco. Not too sure about these pitchers, but people are expecting big things from Beckham, Upton, and Butler. Let’s hope “they” are right, because if they’re not, I’ll be hanging out with Nasty.
 Please Retire… NOW- Berkman. Yes, I could have put Jeter into this category, but I’m expecting him to repeat his 2009 performance. Liriano and Harden may shoot themselves if their arms fall off in April… would that count as retirement?
 Bold Prediction- Josh Hamilton returns to his 2008 year… but unfortunately, so does Mauer.

dc (the most creative name)

 Up- Wright, King Felix. I’m a huge Mets fan and by default, I’m pretty dumb. But c’mon, how does Wright go from a 40 homerun guy to a 15 homerun guy or whatever he turned out to be last year. Either he hops back on the juice or he gets left out of my “up” category from this point forward. As for the King, I feel like he’s the real deal.
 Future- Tulowitzki, can I put 28 year old Aaron Hill in this category? Dan didn’t go after any hot shot rookies this year. Does he know something we don’t… or does he simply not know any of the big prospects. Only time will tell.
 Please Retire… NOW- Wolf, Wood. I guess Dan’s team is full of a bunch of 27-30 year olds.
 Bold Prediction- Dan never wins the average category at all throughout the entire season.

GreenMountain Gamers

 Up- Hanley, Kemp, Lincecum. Not even really a question, Amanti has the best three up guys. Can three guys win a championship? Well, three of the top four guys drafted last year were Jose Reyes, David Wright, and Grady Sizemore. You wouldn’t win a damn thing with those three. Shit happens. Do I wish I had these three? Hell yeah, but that’s probably another huge red flag.
 Future- I could’ve put these guys in the “up” category, but Lind and Zimmerman are young and good. Not gonna lie, Amanti’s offense is stacked.
 Please Retire… NOW- Konerko. I really thought he called it quits a few years ago. I was shocked when I saw this selection come up. This is the first player that I think will really retire during this season.
 Bold Prediction- Amanti will find a way to screw up this season.

Memorial Crusaders

 Up- Gonzalez, Beckett, Sabathia, K-Rod, Paplebon. I feel like saves are going to be hard to come by this year. With Paplebon and K-Rod (plus Soria), Big G should do well in this category. I actually think this is by far and away the best pitching staff. However, as we know, you either go strong in one area or another and his offense line-up won’t scare anyone. I think he’ll have to be smart and look to make some moves sooner rather than later.
 Future- He has a bunch of young players that could be the future, but the names have been around for awhile: Lopez, Bruce, Cruz. I like these boys, but not enough to save his offense.
 Please Retire… NOW- Hoffman. Much like Konerko, I can’t believe he’s still playing and is still considered one of the upper echelon closers in the game. If my kid doesn’t kick footballs for a living, she’s going to learn how to throw a fastball well enough to get three people out every few nights. These guys have it made.
 Bold Prediction- Adrian Gonzalez wins the homerun title this year.

Pink Ladies

 Up- Teixeira, Kinsler. What did this kid spend so much time on during each and every pick? Was he trying a new method of picking the worst available? As always, he continually finds way to entertain me.
 Future- Hahahahahahahahahahaha…. I think his youngest player is 35.
 Please Retire… NOW- This is great. Lee, ManRam, Ortiz, Jones, Ordonez, and the ones that shouldn’t retire, shouldn’t be on any fantasy team. You think you Verndale boys could cut the kid some slack before our next draft to let him out of work so that he can do some research on viable fantasy options?
 Bold Prediction- Ryan will be upset with what I just wrote.

Quevin

 Up- Fielder, Crawford. Laurel and Hardy would be proud of these two. One a big and fat vegetarian who crushes the ball to a steroid injected little guy who is pretty quick around the base paths. Good foundation for his offense. Throw in a little Youk and a little Bay and his offense will be ok.
 Future- Kendrick, Ethier, Pence. I like Ethier and Pence and know that Kendrick can battle for a batting title, but what else does he bring to the table. At least you know that Pence will be hitting bombs this year.
 Please Retire… NOW- Not too many on this team, but another injury for Dice-K and he could begin to think of the warm beaches of Japan.
 Bold Predictions- Kevin gets a call from the PBA and decides that cleaning his balls before every throw is more entertaining than this boring fantasy league.

THE RICK

 Up- A-Rod, Santana. I kind of feel bad for Rick when his only viable keepers were Broxton and McCann. I was glad he had the third slot and was able to get juicy mcjuicerson. At least little dick will hit some homeruns for him. As for my boy, Santana, I’d love to predict the Cy Young for him, but know doing so will lead to disaster, so instead I’ll call him a huge injury risk and quickly move on.
 Future- Werth, Bard. Rick- I’ll give you a little tip… You can trade Jayson Werth to the kid who likes his girls a little on the big side and he’ll give you anyone on his team. I think Werth is going to be good, I just don’t know if he’ll crack the top 20 of next year’s draft. As for Bard, all I know is that he throws the ball twice as hard as Craigger.
 Please Retire… NOW- Helton, Lidge, Wagner. This team is not young, but I don’t feel like I can put productive guys into this category like Lee or Furcal. He probably picked these guys to give the senior presence in the clubhouse.
 Bold Prediction- The new guy is going to use this year to prove that subsequent years can only get better.

Ok, now that we’ve looked at lineups, it’s time to delve into what type of fantasy owners we’re dealing with in this league. Again, alphabetical based on team name:

Jon- My take on Jon is that he can take something great and make it pretty mediocre pretty quickly. Last year his foundation, his keepers, were Hanley Ramirez and Ryan Braun. Are you kidding me? I’ll tell you this much, if Amanti wants advice on how to build a club with two top five guys as your keepers, he’s not running to Jon. Well, to be honest, he’s not running anywhere, but definitely not to Jon if he does decide to go for a jog. Out of all of the owners, he may be the least engaged, too. I only reminded everyone to submit their keepers for about three weeks, yet Jon needed three weeks and two days to get it done. He has more important things to do rather than read this junk. I can write this because Jon has long since stopped reading this blog.

Craigger- This is fun. As many of you know Craigger is a great friend of mine who has allowed himself to be the human punching bag as long as I’ve known him. Amanti and I have thoroughly enjoyed having him around. In the past few years, he’s learned to defend himself in a weird reptilian manner by standing on his toes while leaning forward. Amanti and I back off as soon as the pose is struck as we are worried that he’s soon going to attack. So, please know that you can do or say anything to Craigger during this fantasy season, but be careful when he gets on his toes.

As far as fantasy goes, Craigger won our fantasy football league (the other league we’re in), so he’s going to be riding that for awhile. However, I believe he’s been finishing dead last or close to it in his two Verndale seasons. As mentioned above, when he gets a little intimidated, he doesn’t live up to his potential. It’s up to us, to keep the fear alive inside of him and we will always be able to collect his $100 donation.

Nasty- I’ve always liked this kid. Remember back a few years ago when a lot of you came up for Amanti’s birthday party in his garage. I really thought Big G and Nasty were going to sit on me and give me wedgies and hang me from the ceiling. When this didn’t happen, I knew then that they were just big cuddly teddy bears that had a big roar, but a soft inside. How does this relate to fantasy? It doesn’t. I just know that I can say anything I want and not have to be worried about my life. So, in the same breath, Matt knows that I never like his drafted fantasy teams. This is a blessing for him. I think this year is a typical year for him as he is still picking up the people he remembers back when he didn’t have a job or anything better to do with his time. Now that he’s in love and has other distractions, this could be the end of him having any chance ever again in fantasy sports.

Mark- I've known Mark for quite a while now. Unlike Big G and Big Nasty, Mark has actually tried to fight me in Amanti's basement. Completely unprovoked, he rose up and took a full swinging haymaker at me. Lucky for me, I'm quick and easily got out of the way. What's this have to do with fantasy? Well, for starters, I need to be nice to him. Second, you never know what he's going to do. We all thought he'd be the last one signed into the draft, yet he was the third one to be ready. We all thought he didn't do any research, but he got the best prospects out of everyone. The kid is a bit tricking and that's scary. He's been in the running before, and besides a blast on Barry Bonds' last at bat, he would be a defending champ. Could this be the year of the Pump? As with Mark, you never know.

Kyle- Speak softly and everyone will listen. This is what I think of when I think of Kyle (not that I’m thinking about you often, buddy). I enjoy his deadly silence as he meticulously builds champion after champion. I was disappointed to see him be able to draft on Saturday as I believe he always should be handicapped in some way when going against this cast of characters. Kyle obviously knows way too much about fantasy or is way too lucky as he will always find a way to win.

Jeff- I don’t know anyone else’s true fantasy knowledge, but where I always screw myself is by listening to the “others” too much. Now with my handy dandy iPhone, I do download fantasy podcasts and listen to them all of the time. In my other league, some random dude on one of these podcasts thought Ian Kinsler was going to be a flop this year. I immediately withdrew his name from my keeper list. Two or three years ago, Lincecum got roughed up in his first two starts and again someone told me that he’d never last in the major leagues. Goodbye, waivers you go. On the golf course, I have someone talking in my head to me all of the time, too, which proves to provide its own comic relief. I need to seriously see an exorcist or stop listening to all of these voices. So, in short, I’m brilliant, it’s these other people that are morons.

Dan- I’ve never met the man, Dan. Out of every returning owner, he’s the one I know the least. As many people have seen, there’s really only four or five people who consistently make a run for the playoffs in our league. Sure, there’s your rogue participant (Nasty) from year to year, but on average, it’s the same five guys every year with a chance to win it all. I’m not sure if Dan has ever won any of our championships, but he’s always right there. He could be the Ernie Els of our league. If he was around at any other point besides when Tiger (Kyle) was in this league, he may have won multiple championships.

Amanti- Oh how time has changed. Amanti has never been super prepared for a draft, but when he finally does some research, it usually works out for him. I’m not sure what the issues are with being a doctor and all, but in the last five years, Amanti’s fantasy prowess has really taken a nose dive. It’s not at all weird or unusual to look at his team at the end of the year and see him on the bottom. As mentioned above, he has the best lineup (not even really that close). If he screws this up, he’ll be held in the same regard as Jon. If he does well with this loaded team, he may work himself into the good graces of the fantasy guru.

Big G- I’ve tried everything with this kid. I’ve picked him to make the playoffs. I’ve picked him to finish at the bottom. I’ve picked him to at least contend. Nothing works. As you’ll see with the next section, there needs to be a little luck associated with fantasy in order to make good teams great. Big G has negative luck. Anything that can go wrong with his team, not only goes wrong, but then seemingly starts a domino process which then makes everything else deteriorate. I feel badly for the big guy, but he is the Jack from Lost of our league…. He’s screwed no matter what.

Cousin- Hahaha, I don’t even know where to begin with this kid. Obviously the thing so fresh in my head is the thought and consideration put into each and every pick… only to have the pick chosen be the absolute worst out of anything he could’ve been contriving in his little brain. You can tell that he takes this fantasy thing serious, but at what point do you begin to feel badly about someone who wants something so badly, but always falls short? I always want to put my arm around the big fella and tell him it’s going to be ok. This is going to be yet another painful year for him and I’ve reached the empathetic stage with him and feel like I may trade him someone younger than my dad to play for his team. It’s really, really sad when someone crumbles right before your eyes. Stay away from the ledge, big guy, it’ll be all right.

Kevin- I bet Kevin and I would be good friends if I lived in Boston. He’s a bit of a nut who rarely thinks about what he’s going to do before he does it. Much like me, he lives without any conscious recourse for decisions that he makes and that allows him to fly by the seat of his pants. To me, this is how he usually picks his fantasy teams. He doesn’t care what anyone says, he goes with his gut and he’s fine with the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat that comes from this laissez-fare attitude. With such a wild card mentality, he usually is on one side of the spectrum or the other at the end of each fantasy season.

Ricky Bobby- The new guy. What can I say? He took over for a guy who loved NASCAR and drugs and he has a name that comes from NASCAR and drugs. There has to be some logical connection. It’s always fun to assume what someone looks like without ever meeting them. Without ever meeting him or Dan, I would say they look pretty similar- normal short brown hair (a little more on top than the sides), six footish, used to be athletic but there now is the beginnings of a little belly starting to show (3 months pregnant maybe), and at one point they probably seriously tried to go the moustache route without much success. With my accurate roster predictions, I don’t think it’s likely that we’ll see Rick in the playoffs, but if we do, it’ll show me a lot about what type of fantasy guy he is.

The last piece of all of this is the undeniable aspect of luck. Let’s face it, some of us have it, others don’t. Again, to reference Lost, it sometimes seems that no matter what we do or who we draft, we’re destined for failure or success. Kyle’s football team this past year is a perfect example. Mark (I can use his name here because he stopped reading a long time ago) drafted three TEs for him and he still either made a run for the playoffs or got into the playoffs (can’t remember). This should never have happen, but either he finds a way, or some mysterious black cloud of smoke creature finds a way to lead him into playoff contention every year. Then there’s Big G who we could all trade him our number one picks and he’d still miss the playoffs. I don’t get it, but I know there’s something bigger controlling the Verndale destiny. As I’m sure you’re all tired of reading this book, here’s a simply number rank of the luckiest versus the unluckiest in the league (one being the luckiest):

12- Big G
11- Jon
10- Craigger
9- Jeff
8- Ricky (just throwing him in somewhere)
7- Nasty
6- Amanti
5- Nasty
4- Mark
3- Dan
2- Kyle
1- Cousin… and he still sucks

Ok, with this entire compilation of data, analysis, and pure factual information, here’s how things are going to pan out this year:

13th- Big Nasty
11th- Memorial Crusaders
10th- THE RICK
9th- Pink Ladies
8th- dc
7th- 
6th- Buzzsaw
5th- Pump
4th- Craigger
3rd- Quevin
2nd- Bush
1st- Gamers

Playoffs

Round One:

Quevin vs Buzzsaw= Buzzsaw
Craigger vs Pump= Pump

Round Two

Gamers vs Buzzsaw= Gamers
Bush vs Pump= Pump

Championship

Pump vs Gamers= Pump (thank me later, Mark)

end of the road

The four teams out of the playoffs are very much like Tiger... they won't be getting any action in the next three weeks (interestingly, they all have more points than Craigger who is winning his division and is tied for the best record in our entire league. Just goes to show that no matter how tall you are, you can achieve greatness with a whole lot of luck):

dc, Quevin, Pump, and Crusaders- With these four teams, we have a good cross-section of year's past. Mark and Dan are usually in the playoff hunt, Greg is usually near the bottom, Kevin is all about the camaraderie of the league and doesn't really know that playoffs are starting (shh, don't tell him).

That leaves eight teams for six spots. Here's a detailed look at each team:

Nasty- Is in and has the best chance to win the entire league regular season championship. On a two game slide, if he were to lose again and if Craigger won, Craigger would be our regular season league champ. It at least looks Nasty has secured a first round playoff bye. Congrats.

Chester- Craigger, like I've mentioned above, has a dismal team and should feel lucky to even be in the playoffs, let alone be in a position to walk away with regular season honors. However, a loss and a Coatu win will mean that he'll be fighting for his life in the first round instead of having a comfy bye.

Cousin- As you know, I'm not a huge Cousin supporter. One reason is because he doesn't need a large supporter like myself (big truck syndrome) and second, I always like to think of him as my punching bag. How can I make fun of someone who does better than me? Sad day for me. Cousin is more or less in for the playoffs. His point total is high enough that even with a loss he should be able to maintain at least a top six slot. He has a very outside chance of winning the regular season crown (needs Craig and Matt to both lose and then he needs to beat Matt by more than 39). Cool part is that these two play each other this week in one of the only meaningful head to head matchups.

Coatu- Kinger is in the same position as Cousin. Everything is almost identical to what I said for Cousin (same record and only five points behind Cousin). Let's go ahead and give him a playoff spot, too.

Bush- We can all appreciate what Kyle has done to get to this point. If you remember, he wasn't able to attend the draft and somehow he got about 10 defenses and 10 tight ends on his team. Good thing he's the GM he is. Kudos to him for putting himself in this position. Unfortunately, he plays the hottest team in Verndale next week and desperately needs a win. I'd like to think this is the game of the week as the winner of this game will likely move on. BTW, I am still super stunned that he actually beat Amanti last week. Unbelievable. Puts the good doctor in a precarious slot.

Pat's ZZZZs- Last team to control its destiny (sort of). Jon and Amanti have the same record, but Jon has Amanti by 20 points. So, even if these two were to both win, as long as Amanti doesn't outscore him this week (by 20), Jon is in. Jon and Craigger face off against one another which will be an intriguing matchup as Craigger has Donald Driver and Jon has Aaron Rogers and the Pack D. Why do I mention this? This is the Monday night game and will determine many other teams fate.

Doctor Amanti- When I used to watch games with Amanti and would say something like, "There's no way the Pats can blow this game," he'd get seriously mad at me. And inevitably, the Pats would always blow the game. I didn't seriously mean to put the Gamers into the playoffs with my last blog, but I did and I can only imagine how made he is at me. His team is now in need of some help. Good thing we live in different states. Like i said last week, I think .500 means you're out. With the same record as Jon, I still believe that 6-6-1 won't get them to the playoffs. So, a loss by either and most likely they're both out. Should I once again bring up how I can't believe Kyle beat Amanti this past weekend? Like our soccer team used to say, "If you can't beat us on the field, beat us off." Amanti should make this his new motto.

Buzzsaw- Remember in baseball how I started to mow down opponents with ease? Yup, same thing is happening in football. Are you boys scared of me? I'm lethal in the second half. Watch out! Is it too late? Maybe. Probably. But I wouldn't want to be facing someone who had Brady this week. Last time he was pissed, he put up 50+ by himself. I definitely need a lot of help. Not only do I need to win, but I need to post a huge number and have Jon and Amanti both lose. Stranger things have happened.

ok, im tirod and doesnt feel like being a teacher no more, so imma not gonna edit this and just post it like it is.

Oh yeah, here's the schedule this week:

Coatu Hazel at dc
Pats' ZZZZZ's at Chester Catamounts
Bushleaguers at Return of the Buzzsaw
One Legged Lover at Big Nasty
GreenMountain Gamers at Quevin
BIG PAPPA PUMP at Memorial Crusaders

Playoff Scenarios

With only a week and a half left of our season, the playoff picture is becoming a little more clear.

Before we get to possible playoff contenders, I must go back to my preseason rankings (even though it's really the last thing I want to do). I'm really not sure why I do so poorly with my football predictions. I read my pre-season narratives on each team and I wasn't too far off with my thoughts, yet I had Quevin and Dan as locks for the semi-finals, with Dan winning it all. There's not much that's definite about this year's playoff picture, but I can assure you that Dan and Quevin are definitely out. I take my predictions pretty seriously and feel awful for giving Dan and Kevin a false sense of security in September... even though my predictions may have led Kevin to betting me $20 that his team would finish better than mine. I guess I can't take it too hard.

If my thoughts are right, I think teams will need to finish at least 7-6 to have a shot at the playoffs. Even though a .500 team could possibly make the playoffs a lot will need to happen for this to even be a possibility. So, if this is actually accurate, Quevin, Dan, Greg, and Mark are out while Matt and Craigger are in. That's six teams that have their destiny determined, six that are in purgatory.

Remaining teams with a shot:

Return of the Buzzsaw- Out of the remaining teams, I have the worst shot to get into the playoffs. Riding a three game win streak, I'm hoping to do the improbable, win five in a row, and march into the playoffs as the sixth seed. One more loss will mean the end of Buzzsaws season.

Pats ZZZZZZs- Second worst chance of making it in, however, on Thursday night he put up 50 points with only two players while Pump only managed 13 for two players. We've seen stranger things happen, but it seems as if Pats will get a much needed victory to stay in the hunt. With a tie on his resume, Jon may be able to get away with a loss in his last two, but it's doubtful that 6-6-1 will buy a ticket to the big dance.

Kyle, Cousin, and King- These three teams all sit at 6-5 and are all just as likely to make the playoffs as they are to miss the playoffs. Two wins and they're in, two losses and they're out. One win and one loss would come down to who loves 1 lb, 7 oz. baby Jesus the most. King is presently down 50 to The Crusaders, but Greg had half his team going. Will this be enough? Time will only tell. Cousin only got two points from Boss, so I'm sure he was hoping for more. Bush got 10 out of his kicker while Amanti got 25 out of three starters. All in all, after one day played this week, nothing is any clearer with this clusterfuck. If I were a betting man, I'd say two out of these three teams will get in and either Jon or myself will steal the last slot. That's my guess. None of these teams play each other this week or next which could be a good thing or a terrible thing for the rest of us.

Gamers- Sitting at 6-4-1 is good enough for third place right now, but doesn't automatically put him in the show. You'd think this was a sure thing, but I thought the hot blond he was out with on Saturday night was a sure thing, but he unexpectedly left her all by herself outside of the bar at 2:00 am with no way of getting home. Yes, it did provide us with some well-needed end-of-the-night entertainment, but goes to prove that there really are no sure things in life anymore. Just writing this makes me feel so badly for this lost soul he left hanging. Such a shame.

I promise, promise, promise to write again after Sunday to give a full run-down of playoff scenarios. Until then, here's to everybody losing this week except for me!

Week Three Power Rankings

Week Three Power Rankings

The good news: There’s no undefeated (3-0) team in our league.

The bad news: There’s only one 0-3 team in our league.

The badder news: That team is me.

I suck.

By points, here’s how we stand:

Nasty- 293
Greg- 292
Quevin- 283
Bush- 280
Jon- 280
Gamers- 271
King- 266
Cousin- 250
dc- 239
Pump- 232
Chester- 214
Me- 142 (although this isn’t accurate as my lineup week two was illegal and I didn’t get any points… oh well).

So, what can I take away from these overall points? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nasty is 2-1 and maybe he should be 3-0. Greg and Kevin are 1-2 and, by points, they have the second and third best team in our league. Could they be 3-0? Absolutely. Here I’m in last place and I could definitely be 3-0. Ok, that’s me just being funny, but anything is impossible. What I really take away, is that everyone is still more or less still in the playoff hunt as no one has been able to break away at 3-0 yet. You guys are giving me and Craigger a chance to let our dreadful teams take shape. That could be dangerous. Ok, maybe not for us, but one of the 1-2 teams could definitely end up being the year-end champ. Not to put any pressure on anyone, but every week matters. Just like Herm says, “We play to win the game.”

Throw out records, throw out points, here’s who I think has the best team:

1) Quevin- His QB situation is a mess right now, but he has depth in RB and WR and is great across the board.
2) Nasty- Flaco is turning out to be the real deal, which isn’t good news for us. I actually am not a big fan of his RB committee, but that doesn’t mean anything. (Interestingly enough these two teams face off against each other. Since I have Quevin ahead of Nasty in these rankings, you can pretty much put a W in Nasty’s column after this week).
3) dc- It’s only a matter of time before Ray Rice starts to get McGahee’s touchdowns. I have McGahee in my other league and I couldn’t be happier with his production, but I’m also realistic. A little weak in the WR group, but there’s plenty out there on the waiver wire to fix this problem.
4) Jon- Jon cracks me up. He’s so confident that he’s going to win this week, that he decided that he didn’t need to replace Steve Smith who’s on a bye. Yup, he’s just taking a zero for one of his categories. If Craigger doesn’t beat him this week, well, that’s just embarrassing. This team could go either way.
5) Pump- Solid across the board. Do the Steelers still throw the ball 40 times after their 1-2 start? If so, this team could find their way into the top four next week. Big matchup with King this week. I’m intrigued to see who comes out the victor. Unfortunately for Mark, I’m picking him.
6) King- I give him credit for benching Owens. I think he’s trying to teach him a lesson. Maybe he’ll learn his lesson and stop being such a bum. As mentioned above, I worry about McGahee, but if he continues to score, this team will be moving up.
7) Cats- I like what Craigger did with his waiver wire pickups and even picking up Slaton from me. I’m interested to see how Garcon plays this week. Could he be the next Reggie Wayne? With Pierre Thomas back, can this team be a contender?
8) Bush- From 1st to 8th? Lendale isn’t getting as many touches, Davis is banged up, and Choice is back to being a backup. This is going to have to be the Brees and Johnson show.
9) Crusaders- I usually root for the big guy, but his team is banged up. I think the Cowboy RB situation is going to be a mess all year. Don’t really know who to trust.
10) Gamers- I’m holding to my guns on this team. I don’t think this team is good. He’s had some great weeks, but I feel like it’ll soon come to an end. I know this is music to Amanti’s ears, but does any feel like this is a good team? He’s fortunately playing his cousin today, so he may have one more good week.
11) Lovers- How is this team 2-1? If I don’t finish higher than this team, I retire.
12) Buzzsaw- How did this happen? Brady blows!!!

After Week Two

After week two (Monday night hasn’t happened yet):

Just by score:

Bush- 220
Quevin- 218
Nasty- 188
King- 186
Crusaders- 178
Pat’s ZZZZs- 172
Gamers- 172
Pump- 171
Buzzsaw-163
Legged- 163
Chester- 149
dc- 106

Ok, so the other thing that I have learned (other than me having the worst luck) is that no matter what I say, the opposite is more likely to come true. Me picking Ryan to finish last was actually the dumbest thing I could have done. I should’ve penciled Chris Johnson in for 45 points right then and there. First I get Adrian Peterson scoring some ridiculous number and then I get Chris Johnson laying 45 on me. F my life. The only thing that I enjoyed about this is that this will be the first and last time a person scores as many points as a team. I’m serious. If Chris Johnson played Craigger’s entire team, they would’ve tied. That makes me laugh. 45 points, Craig? Really! doesn’t come close to what I’m thinking.

So, we tried to screw Kyle big time with loading his team up with kickers and defenses during the draft, but the bastard just doesn’t go away. He not only is winning, but arguably beating the best team out there right now. The kid just finds a way to win. It’s annoying. On the flip side, there’s my team who should be good, but finds it funny to fall on their face week after week just to make me look like a dumbass. Anyone want Tom Brady? What a bum! Using a little reverse psychology, I’m putting Bush as the one seed this week as this should definitely signal his demise. Not sure what else to do… any other ideas?

The only thing I got right from last week’s column, was that six teams were going to score 100 points or more this week. There has to be some sort of door prize for that. Here’s this week’s rankings?

1) Bush- Johnson and Johnson had good weeks, Brees was Brees, we’re in trouble
2) Quevin- Hasselback might be out, good news for us? Nope, he has Warner.
3) Kinger- Could Percy Harvin be for real? Let’s hope not.
4) Nasty- One good week, one bad… Sign of things to come?
5) Jon- Good morning Jon, nice of you to join us.
6) Crusaders- Big G in need of a Big WR
7) Pump- Down week for Pump would have me nervous if I were him.
8) Gamers- Making me eat my words. Schaub came back with a vengeance… too bad he was on Amanti’s bench.
9) Legged- Douche Bag= Chris Johnson
10) Buzzsaw- Fire sale!!! Who wants Brady???
11) dc- Anyone realize that Dan has 106 total points through two weeks? Anyone want to know how he’s not last? Well, that happens when someone only manages 45 points in one week. Ouch.
12) Chester- Pathetic.

Power Rankings- Week One

After week one:

Just by score:

Nasty- 128
Quevin- 116
Bush- 114
Chester- 104
Pump- 96
Buzzsaw- 91 (Highest number this week to lose)
Crusaders- 85
Gamers- 71
Pat’s ZZZs- 68
Kinger- 63 (Lowest number this week to win)
One Legged- 61
dc- 55

My thoughts, just from looking at the score: My immediate reaction is how quiet Kinger has been since ripping the league for not using Power Rankings. I guess he’s ok with scoring 63 points in a week and being tied for first (even with the win, he’d be tied for 7th in the Power Rankings). Anyways, I just chuckled to myself when I saw the irony.

Moving on, anyone watch SNL anymore? I’m thinking of Seth Myers and Amy Poehler doing Weekend Update where they constantly read ridiculous news stories and emphatically say, “Really!” This week’s “Really?” moment goes to none other than Dan. 55 Points? Really?!? Dude, were you thinking about the baseball championships or something? 55 Points? Really?!?

Four teams were able to score in the triple digits in week one; a sad, sad showing given the fact that there were very few injuries and no byes. I am going to say that six team will eclipse the 100 point plateau this week.

My last thought before getting into power rankings is that being in two fantasy leagues suck when you are known for having the worst luck. I routinely get kicked in the balls for no good reason during different points of my life and this past week was one. Not only did my baseball team decide not to show up last week (should’ve used the power rankings from the last four years to just crown me champion already), but, as my awful luck would have it, both of my football fantasy teams faced Adrian Peterson in week one (of course). I know he’s great and phenomenal and all things to all young boys, but isn’t 20 points enough. 37? Really? I mean, c’mon, he almost beat dc by himself.

Ok, one more thought as I just looked at my preseason rankings. I thought these would be the top four teams this year in those rankings: Me, Kevin, Jon, and Dan. Here’s how we did: Kevin- great (116 points), Me- ok, but lost (91 points), Jon- dreadful (68), and then dc- no words to describe (55 points). Maybe there is something to the O’Hara curse. Hmmm….

Here’s how I see us after week one:

1) Kevin- Peterson is a monster and Boldin only scored one point in the opener. Let’s see what Hasselback does against a good team.
2) Nasty- Pretty solid across the board and his bench proved to be worthy contenders as well. Could be interesting.
3) Buzzsaw- Still like my team and was glad Brady got more comfortable. Mr. Obvious tells me he’s the key to my success. Need a WR!!!
4) Bush- I think we’re actually going to be pissed at Kyle if he can turn this team into a contender. Brees is the real deal and the brothers Johnson did nothing for him in week one and he still scored 114. Mike Bell could be interesting all year.
5) Pump- He’ll be sticking around all year. Is Ronnie Brown going to pull out some 40 point games and then 5 point games like last year? Maybe only against the Pats?
6) Big G- I worry about Parker and Barber, but he still has some ammo in his guns.
7) dc- You guys are going to laugh, but I still like this team. They’ll improve.
8) Catamounts- I’ll go on record to say that I think week one was a fluke for the Cats. Still don’t like this team, even less so now without LT.
9) Kinger- I really think my personal bias towards players on his team affects my judgment. I hate Larry Johnson, Philip Rivers, and TO so much that I couldn’t place this team any higher. I do, however, think Chris Cooley is pretty cool… and his wife isn’t that bad, either. Bonus points there.
10) Jon- Can someone call Jon and let him know the football season began last week?
11) Gamers- I like this team less and less every time I look at each of the teams. I have to stop looking at it or soon they’ll be ranked 20th.
12) Legged- Was Ryan drunk at the draft? Kyle Orton now leading the troops. Need I say more?

Well, there you have it. I hope to be a better commish for you during football than I was for baseball. Thanks for your patience and congratulations on finishing this whole article.

Predictions for '09

Nasty

Studs- Randall Moss
Duds- His entire bench- Flacco, Lewis, Taylor, Williams, Holt
Buds- Matt Ryan

Synopsis: Addai, Jacobs, Hightower, and Wayne should all go to the nearest park and hop on a four-person teeter totter. Who knows who will go up and who will go down. My initial thought is that somehow three out of the four are more likely to go down rather than up. Not only would it be a physical anomaly, but it would mean that end of Nasty’s season. Either way, not a good sign for Mr. Nasty.

Pump

Studs- Can we put Brian Westbrook and Ronnie Brown as studs? If I need to ask the question, I would say no.
Duds- Tommy Jones, The Car on his bench, Crayton
Buds- Donny Brown

Synopsis: I actually like the Lance Moore pick and think Greg Jennings and Aaron Rodgers should connect well this year. My worry with this team is the running back trio of Westbrook, Brown, and Jones. Can they last the whole season? Roethlisberger is a great NFL QB, but not sure if he deserves to start on a fantasy roster. Mark fought hard to get Lawrence Tynes… but I don’t think he’s going to save this team.

Bushleaguers

Studs- Brees, Johnson brothers
Duds- Jonny Stewart, DeSean Jackson
Buds- Not of any fault of his own, but there’s not much upside… unless a multitude of kickers, TEs, and Ds are worthy of budding.

Synopsis: Just with Brees and the Johnson brothers, Kyle at least has the foundation to build a playoff team. I can see him scouring the waiver wire to find the two or three RB gems that emerge every fantasy year. If he can snag a couple of these, he’ll be just fine. Not a huge fan of White or Stewart, but they’ll at least find the end zone a bunch. With anyone else besides Kyle, I’d bury this team. Unfortunately for the rest of us, I think there may be life for the two time defending champ.

Chester

Studs- Homo and LT
Duds- Ward, Avery, Driver
Buds- Jones, Bowe

Synopsis: Craigger’s team isn’t as terrible as I first thought, but it is pretty bad. He’ll need LT to at least get back to at least 2007 and with RBs track records, I don’t think this is happening. Don’t worry, he has Derrick Ward as his number two. His WRs aren’t that bad, but are we really going to trust a Bills WR (Owens included) to do much of anything this year? I like Dwayne Bowe, but if Cassell is hurt, who’s going to be throwing the ball to him? And Wes Welker is a steal in a PPR league, but seeing how we don’t give points for receptions he then falls into the mediocre category. He may not finish last, but he’s definitely not finishing first.

King

Studs- Jackson, Fitz
Duds- LJ, TO, and I’m going to put Rivers in there too as I’m not drinking his Kool-Aid
Buds- His entire bench: Mendenhall, Crabtree, Harvin, Nicks

Synopsis: Without a backup QB, Kinger is really putting his faith in Rivers. Not sure why, but I equate Rivers with Ryan Leaf. Something about the kid doesn’t seem quite right, like his taunting of Jay Cutler a couple years ago. Maybe I’m just rooting for him to fail, but whatever the reason, I wouldn’t want him as my only option. I don’t see any of Kingers budding stars making a huge impact this year and I think one or two will need to in order for this team to be successful. I think LJ is officially done and TO is one step away from this distinction. I look for TO to blow up on the Bills by Thanksgiving. All in all, too much of the unknown for this team to get the nod of approval from the big guy.

dc

Studs- Manning, Forte
Duds- Marshawn Lynch
Buds- Knowshon Moreno and Jamal Charles

Synopsis: Uh oh, dc, I really like this team. You got a very experienced QB leading your squad, a stud in Forte anchoring your RB core, two WRs that I expect big years from (Cotchery and Edwards), and a stocked bench that includes Jamal Charles that I believe will be the KC starting RB at some point, Ray Rice (same in Baltimore), and Greg Olsen who should be starting in many fantasy leagues. Wow! I always pick Dan to finish last, so I’m in quite the quandary.

Gamers

Studs- How could a team be void of having a stud? Not sure, but Amanti has found a way. Being the optimist he is, he is probably giving his team the Together We Can inspirational speech.
Duds- Portis, Grant, Palmer
Buds- Kevin Smith, Roddy White

Synopsis: So, it’s not that I hate this team, but I thought that I would like it better than Craigger’s and now I’m questioning that thought. I put three possible studs in the duds category because I’m just not a believer. I think Carson has been unhappy for a while and losing Housh won’t help matters. I see GB as a throwing offense now and, as hard as it is for me to say, I think Ladelle Betts will get more carries by seasons end than Portis. The bright light on this team is Roddy White, but everyone else needs to get their batteries checked. Not a fan of anyone on his bench, so Amanti will have to have some waiver wire magic to prove he belongs.

Big G

Studs- Michael Turner
Duds- Hines Ward, Fast Willie
Buds- Can I put Roy Williams here? I think his time to bud has finally come.

Synopsis: Cutler in Chicago? Don’t think he’s going to be the same gunslinger as we’ve all become accustomed to. Take it from me, Jason Campbell doesn’t deserve to be on anyone’s fantasy roster… not even if it was a 20 team league. He should be dropped immediately. Greg has a good overall team which should put him in the win category more than in the loss category. He has solid players throughout his roster, just no one in particular (besides Michael Turner) that has that WOW factor. I guess middle of the pack is where he is the most comfortable. I’ll put him in the “may surprise” category.

Cuz

Studs- Chris Johnson, Brandon Marshall
Duds- Donovan, Laverneus, Ochodickwad
Buds- McFadden

Synopsis: Yup, that’s right… I’m putting McNabb in the dud category. Why are people predicting this is going to be his best year? Did they get an outstanding receiving core that I don’t know about? Did their RB get younger? I just don’t see it. I actually see Philly floundering early and then having the Vick controversy build up steam. I like his RB duo of Johnson and McFadden, but am not a fan of two of the three WRs. With that said, I love Brandon Marshall (talent wise) and think he can carry these WRs some weeks on his own. Cousin has the worst bench of any team. He needs McFadden to finally break out and for Chris Johnson to stay healthy in order for him to have a chance.

Jon

Studs- Rodgers, Gore, MJD
Duds- Steve Smith
Buds- Beanie, Anthony Gonzalez, Breaston, and Bryant

Synopsis: Jon will be the second team to be unhappy with my predictions, because I think this team may even be better than Dan’s. He has two absolute studs in MJD and Gore for RBs and Aaron Rodgers at QB. I know it’s early for such bold predictions, but I’m expecting Rodgers to be a top three QB by year’s end. I actually like his two bench WRs to have bigger years than the two he has in his starting lineup right now (Smith and Gonzalez). I think some combination of Chambers, Breaston, and Bryant will prove to be the key for this team making it far into the playoffs.

Quevin

Studs- AP
Duds- Benson, Boldin
Buds- Shonn Green, Darren Sproles

Synopsis: AP we all predict will be huge, but I still don’t think he can stay healthy. His poor body takes so many big shots that I can’t see one of these ending his season. I actually like Reggie Bush to finally be a fantasy stud this year, but not enough to rank him with AP. I think he’ll be productive, just not elite quite yet. I like Colston to have a bounce back year, but I think Boldin severed ties in Arizon and Breaston will emerge as Warner’s number two option. Having Warner on this team means that he could have huge weeks and could have lousy weeks depending on how AZ does. If AP is AP, this team will do ok.

Buzzsaw

Studs- Tommy B
Duds- My entire bench- not anyone I’d feel comfortable starting except maybe Berrian.
Buds- Slaton, Royal

Synopsis: Last time I picked Tommy B with my first pick was last year. He does have two knees, you know. Lightning can’t strike twice can it? I already hear Amanti getting mad at me for the pure mention of this, so I’ll stop. Slaton and Williams are projected as top 10 RBs, but I’m not entirely sold on this. Eddie Royal and Santonio Holmes are exactly what I look for in my WRs and am not sure how I feel about them anchoring my WR core. I actually really go for the beefy WR, if you must know. Anyways, I can’t wait how my TE experiment is going to work out. Starting two TEs has never been done before, but I think I’m on to something. If this works, I’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.

Predictions:

Teams that can etch their names into the playoffs right now:

Buzzsaw
Quevin
dc
Jon

Other two teams most likely to get in:

Big G
Bush

Right there the whole year:

Pump
Cousin
King

The rest of you are going to struggle, but I don’t think there’s a clear cut favorite for the coveted 13th place.

Playoff predictions:

First round: Big G v. Buzzsaw= Buzzsaw
Bush v. dc= dc

Second Round: dc v. Buzzsaw= dc
Quevin v. Jon= Jon

Battle of the three letter first names for the championship= DAN!!!