I wish I could embed this video into Blogger, but I can't. As I'm sure you have all seen, this video is our high school educated leader of the free world reiterating one of Tennessee's oldest sayings, "Fool me once.... (long pause).... shame on... (long pause)....shame on you... (pause), you fool me, you can't get fooled again."
This is the best way I can begin to share the results of my preseason predictions. Dan's team is ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS. I'm not sure there is a player on his team I would take if they were all on waivers. I never thought that I could ever imagine saying this, but I honestly believe that Cousin drafted a better team. Why do I mention all of this? Because I've learned my lesson. If I hadn't learned my lesson, I would once again pick Dan to finish in 13th place. I would call him the fat girl in the bar that only Craigger wants to screw. I would say that the only chance people wouldn't laugh at him publicly would be because they would be trying to figure out if he was special or not. This is how I truly look at his team. There can't be anyway that I'm wrong twice, is there? Are people with me or not on this one? To show that I've learned my lesson, however, I am without hesitation picking him to be the league champion. There's something magical about Danny Boy that we should all hope to attain just once in our lives.
This is what his team reminds me of...
As for the us little people, only two teams stood out as having good drafts in my eyes, and I'm not one of them. Jon, when not taking a verbal beating from Stro, usually shows pretty well. At the point of this writing, it looks as if he's secured a playoff spot in the VFBL. I'm impressed with his team and think he had the best draft out of anyone. If it wasn't for Dan, I'd have him winning it all. We can call him the Gisele of our league. No one really has a shot at her... except maybe someone with lots of money... maybe a lawyer?
That's right, Big G had and outstanding draft. All I can think of when writing something nice about the man who once threatened my life, is how much he reminds me of Wimpy from Popeye. He's the big, loveable type of guy who plays dumb, but in the end is friendly with everyone and kind of knows his shit? Oh, and let's not forget that they both love hamburgers... and they both have great physiques.
I have Kyle as the third best team (or fourth if you count the eventual champion, Dan). If we are still going with "who does Kyle's team remind me of if they were famous", this would be an easy selection for me- Jenna Fischer (that chick from the office). This unassuming crew (led by LT), is just like Miss Fischer. Not that sexy of a pick, but when the night or season is over and you wake up and she's on top, you're not surprised at all. It'll be interesting to see if the experts are right that TE, D, and kickers are overrated, because at this point, he has the worst three going.
With six teams making the playoffs, I'm fairly certain the three directly above will be in the playoffs. If I was a betting man, I'd do a three team parlay and like my chances quite a bit. As for the rest of us ass-clowns, what were we doing? Our teams are all either awful, on the verge of awful, or not quite complete. Mark is missing a fifth RB/WR, I'm missing a first tier RB, Amanti is missing a superstar, Craigger is missing any RB that will touch the ball more than twice in the game, Kinger missed a QB in the first 13 rounds, Kevin missed the point of needing quality players on his bench, and I think Nasty fell off of the dock and completely missed the boat. Again, it's not a good thing when Cousin is predicted to finish ahead of you. I think, at our best, we're the Brat Pack, just happy to be compared with the ones that came before us.
Yes, I know this isn't the Brat Pack... just relax and enjoy.
Without any more babble, here is how the season will end:
CHAMPION:
Buster Nasty (Dan)
Strength- His baseball team did better than I imagined
Worries- That Cousin may have drafted a better team
Weaknesses- Everyone on his team
RUNNER UP:
Spunky Bancroft (Jon)
Strength- Best starting nine
Worries- RB depth
Weaknesses- The only weakness I can find, and it was hard, was wondering if Carson was going to throw it to the other team more than to his teammates.
Monroe Cedar (Greg)
Strength- Strong across the board
Worries- Can his yougsters reach their potential
Weaknesses- Can Cutler be a number one QB?
FOURTH
Buffy East (Kyle)
Strengths- RB and QB
Worries- Do Holmes, Bowe, and Jackson reach their potential at WR
Weakness- TE, K, and Def
Dangerous team if everything comes together.
FIFTH
Smokey Burt (Jeff)
Strengths- Quarterback
Worries- Young at RB
Weaknesses-RB Depth
Brady- 2nd overall... big hopes for Selvin, Rashard
SIXTH (LAST TEAM TO MAKE PLAYOFFS)
Coatu Hazel (Kinger)
Strength- RB Depth- Someone will pan out for him
Worries- Every single one of his RB is in a time-share with someone else- who will step up?
Weaknesses- QB and WR depth
SEVENTH
Smokey Cristopher (Stro)
Strength- Manning and Addai
Worries- Manning and Addai (don't they play on the same team?)
Weaknesses- Finding a fifth guy to start at WR/RB consistently
EIGHTH
Duke Skyline (Amanti)
Strength- I think his strength on his team is that he doesn't have any discernable weaknesses... although he doesn't have any great stand out strenghths, either.
Worries- Can Derek Anderson repeat his 2007 campaign. This guy doesn't think so.
Weaknesses- Depth at every position
NINTH
Cuddles Norridgewalk (Kevin)
Strength- QB
Worries- All 2006 team (Boldin, Johnson, Brown, Maroney)- Do they still have something to prove?
Weaknesses- Entire bench, with the exception of Ginn and Bulger, shouldn't have been drafted
TENTH
Tasha Pleasant (Craigger)
Strength- Best WR trio out of the whole league
Worries-QBs- Garrard and Russell could be good... but they could also be bad.
Weaknesses- RBs- Every single one of his running backs is second in line in a time-share role. Unless there are some major injuries, he'll need to trade one of his receivers for a legit running back.
ELEVENTH
One Legged Lover (Cousin)
Strength- Top RB (Jackson) Top WR (Colston)
Worries- Age and experience at RB... Also think Kitna will start more games for him than McNabb
Weaknesses- Starting nine is weaker than most
TWELFTH
Beau Admiral Nimitz (Nasty)
Strength- Randy Moss
Worries- Brett Favre- Does he even still play?
Weakness- No bench
Reggie and LenDale are once again reunited hoping for a run at a title
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